(no subject)

[percival]

My mother was over-protective, I'm trying not to be, and I find it deeply, deeply scary. My daughter (21 months) is relatively easy to control, so I've started to let her out of the buggy and walk beside me on the house-side of the pavement. I make her take my hand once we start to get close to crossings, and I will put her back in the buggy if she keeps trying to run away.

When going from A to B in a larger shop, I now tend to let her walk, following closely on her heels. She learns and discovers a lot this way, how floors feel, what signs look like, what grates are, and we enjoy it. But oh the horror of overdoing it. When a friendly lady offers to watch the baby while I get another coffee at the coffee shop, do I trust or do I mistrust? There's just so much that can go wrong, and she is so small, and I'm trying so hard to be different from my mother, who thinks People are out to Get You, that I'm likely to err on the lax side.

And if something happens, it's all my fault, and I will never be able to forgive myself.

The abducted three-year-old haunts me.

ETA: Having been over to Ask Moxie, it's definitely time to break out that harness again. She's far too fond of a little game of "catch me if you can" sometimes ...

Comments

[sismith42.livejournal.com]

loupblanc and I have already fought over toddler reins-- he thinks they're like putting your child on a leash, I think they're more like giving your child a chance to walk, etc without the risk of, eg, the little one running off into the street. Not sure if they're something you're aware of, or if you'd find the very idea as barbaric as my husband does ;-)

*hugs*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

I just put in an edit to say that I'll definitely start using (longish) reins again. It's good for her to be able to explore, but I can't always trust my reflexes ... I thought they were barbaric, too, until I had a toddler myself :)

[sismith42.livejournal.com]

so you're saying that there's hope for him changing his mind? I hope you're able to get what you need to get what peace of mind you can...

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

That's an age when kids really want to RUN AROUND a lot. Mine was a champion at that. If I took her out of the stroller, she would race all over the shop, and she especially enjoyed hiding amid the clothes in those circular clothing racks... Yes, do keep a close eye on your child and I know what you mean about to trust or not to trust.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

See, the thing about babies is that nobody tells you about the sheer unending worry. If it's not reins, it's sleep, or food. I already dread her first night out ;)

Also, everybody has their own style and learning curve. As I said in my post, mine is rather lax, and sometimes I get an impulse to reconsider. Thankfully, this time, it was a general sense of it not feeling quite right, but in general, men tend to be a bit less protective of kids than women.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Yup. Mine HAS to run, and it's up to me to find a safe space for her to do that in ...

Hiding amid the clothes? You must have suffered heart attack after heart attack!

[buzzy-bee.livejournal.com]

We have one of these backpacks with reins which are great. Even without the strap attacked, they have a handy grab loop on the top for quick control if necessary.

[buzzy-bee.livejournal.com]

Lewis' in Edinburgh, do them, btw.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link! I've seen it at Lewis and have been thinking about getting it for quite a while. I have normal reins and a ring sling (which she is bound to wriggle out of when used as reins ...)

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was very unhappy when she absconded into the clothing racks. She thought it was hilarious. Now she's taller than I am (she's not yet 11!) and she can't hide so well ;)

[queenriley.livejournal.com]

I too used to be anti-child harness w/reins... then Alex got away from me in a crowded store. Thank goodness we were there to visit my best friend (working in the floral department) and she was able to hear me yell "ALEX" and then catch said escaped toddler before anybody else could or anything happened to her. I bought one of those backpacks with the "leash" that very day and used it on more than one occasion.

Sam, thankfully, is far less adventurous thus far. He happily holds my hand most of the time, will ride in the cart sometimes, and is content in the sling the rest of the time (I'm still using it!!!!) He's a snuggly baby far far later in his life than Alex and I'm grateful for that. He also has severe stranger anxiety still whereas Alex was never people-shy.

I also wouldn't let a stranger watch my child while I ran to get another coffee. I don't care how nice and well meaning they are, and it might make me overly protective, but I'm too scared of them disappearing and never being found again. I dread the thought of my children being one of the "age adjusted" pictures on the 1-800-THE-LOST posters. I also have a deep chilling fear of Sam running into the street and being hit by a car, far far more fearful with him than I was with Alex... dunno why, but it makes me more cautious all around, so I suppose not a bad thing.

As she gets older, you'll develop a balance between caution and overly protective. I don't imagine you will ever be as over protective as your mother was, but you will be over protective regardless. Every mother is. That is as it should be.

[buzzy-bee.livejournal.com]

I am not sure Lachlan has copped onto the fact its reins - he likes the fact he has his own bag. Its also the perfect size for a small pack of wipes, a couple of nappies and a couple of nappy bags. So he carries his own change bag!

[thereyougothen.livejournal.com]

the most useful use of the reins is when the toddler trips, and they don't face plant, becasue some grownup is holding the reins.