No, love, I can't talk just now, I'm on an airplane, and if I don't stop talking right now ...

[percival]

Well, I don't have a mobile phone - I have an EKNO account instead. That's a voice mail cum phone card distributed by the lonely planet which I can use around the world. If somebody needs to reach me or leave me a message, they can use EKNO and I'll be able to check my voice mail from any pay phone.

Why?

Well, mobiles can lead to people being rude.

Take, for example, the family friend at my mother's 60th birthday party. (Yes, I was in Germany for two days; more later.). He did not switch off his mobile, in fact, he made arrangements to meet people while sitting outside. Just - no. If you're at a party, be there with all your heart.

Or take the spooky experience we had when our ancient Ryanair made its final descent into Glasgow Prestwick. Just as we were approaching the airport, somebody's mobile went off.

It rang five or six times.

After that, another mobile went off, but was silenced by its owner after one ring.

The pilot landed without a hitch.

Does this mean that using mobiles on board an aircraft is OK?

No! It means that people are STUPID JERKS.