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such a gift ...
I've noticed that I'm getting better at accepting gifts as gifts and not as a way of forcing you to take out an emotional loan.
You see, I keep remembering a conversation I had during my confirmation lessons. We were talking about love, and I staunchly defended the position that love was above all gratefulness. Being grateful for the kindness I was being showered with. This was a definition I learnt from my parents.
They sacrificed a lot for me, and gave me all the academic opportunities I wanted. They provided for me, and one of their motives for calling me daily while I was still studying was to check up on me, to make sure I was fine.
I was to repay them in due course, of course.
It took me a while to learn that giving was all about the intent. For a while, I reasoned that if somebody wanted to give something, it was mine to take. I took that maxim to the extremes while visiting a friend from my Edinburgh student days in 1999 - causing her to lose her rag with me and rant at me for an hour, going on about what a selfish bitch I was.
God, I felt awful after that.
And ever since then, I have been teaching myself to accept gifts with love and appreciation, never taking them for granted.
I realised I had come a long way when a friend offered to send me a book (providing she could find a cheap copy in a bookstore, of course!) and I could accept the offer without immediately negotiating an exchange. I could just express my immense gratitude, and revel in the unexpected offer of a gift.
(P.S.: The friend and I are still good friends.)
You see, I keep remembering a conversation I had during my confirmation lessons. We were talking about love, and I staunchly defended the position that love was above all gratefulness. Being grateful for the kindness I was being showered with. This was a definition I learnt from my parents.
They sacrificed a lot for me, and gave me all the academic opportunities I wanted. They provided for me, and one of their motives for calling me daily while I was still studying was to check up on me, to make sure I was fine.
I was to repay them in due course, of course.
It took me a while to learn that giving was all about the intent. For a while, I reasoned that if somebody wanted to give something, it was mine to take. I took that maxim to the extremes while visiting a friend from my Edinburgh student days in 1999 - causing her to lose her rag with me and rant at me for an hour, going on about what a selfish bitch I was.
God, I felt awful after that.
And ever since then, I have been teaching myself to accept gifts with love and appreciation, never taking them for granted.
I realised I had come a long way when a friend offered to send me a book (providing she could find a cheap copy in a bookstore, of course!) and I could accept the offer without immediately negotiating an exchange. I could just express my immense gratitude, and revel in the unexpected offer of a gift.
(P.S.: The friend and I are still good friends.)
no subject
But that sucks that you feel so indebted to your parents. That's just not what it should be about. Gratitude is one thing, emotional blackmail is another.