such a gift ...
May. 10th, 2004 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
percivalI've noticed that I'm getting better at accepting gifts as gifts and not as a way of forcing you to take out an emotional loan.
You see, I keep remembering a conversation I had during my confirmation lessons. We were talking about love, and I staunchly defended the position that love was above all gratefulness. Being grateful for the kindness I was being showered with. This was a definition I learnt from my parents.
They sacrificed a lot for me, and gave me all the academic opportunities I wanted. They provided for me, and one of their motives for calling me daily while I was still studying was to check up on me, to make sure I was fine.
I was to repay them in due course, of course.
It took me a while to learn that giving was all about the intent. For a while, I reasoned that if somebody wanted to give something, it was mine to take. I took that maxim to the extremes while visiting a friend from my Edinburgh student days in 1999 - causing her to lose her rag with me and rant at me for an hour, going on about what a selfish bitch I was.
God, I felt awful after that.
And ever since then, I have been teaching myself to accept gifts with love and appreciation, never taking them for granted.
I realised I had come a long way when a friend offered to send me a book (providing she could find a cheap copy in a bookstore, of course!) and I could accept the offer without immediately negotiating an exchange. I could just express my immense gratitude, and revel in the unexpected offer of a gift.
(P.S.: The friend and I are still good friends.)
You see, I keep remembering a conversation I had during my confirmation lessons. We were talking about love, and I staunchly defended the position that love was above all gratefulness. Being grateful for the kindness I was being showered with. This was a definition I learnt from my parents.
They sacrificed a lot for me, and gave me all the academic opportunities I wanted. They provided for me, and one of their motives for calling me daily while I was still studying was to check up on me, to make sure I was fine.
I was to repay them in due course, of course.
It took me a while to learn that giving was all about the intent. For a while, I reasoned that if somebody wanted to give something, it was mine to take. I took that maxim to the extremes while visiting a friend from my Edinburgh student days in 1999 - causing her to lose her rag with me and rant at me for an hour, going on about what a selfish bitch I was.
God, I felt awful after that.
And ever since then, I have been teaching myself to accept gifts with love and appreciation, never taking them for granted.
I realised I had come a long way when a friend offered to send me a book (providing she could find a cheap copy in a bookstore, of course!) and I could accept the offer without immediately negotiating an exchange. I could just express my immense gratitude, and revel in the unexpected offer of a gift.
(P.S.: The friend and I are still good friends.)
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-12 02:23 pm (UTC)But that sucks that you feel so indebted to your parents. That's just not what it should be about. Gratitude is one thing, emotional blackmail is another.