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WARNING: Republicans don't read this

from The Smirking Chimp


Rich Procter: 'Bush reassures America about delaying elections'
(Date: 2004-07-12 09:55:40)
Topic: Election 2004

By Rich Procter



A MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, GEORGE W.
BUSH



What I'm about ta tell y'all is so dang important I left in the third
inning of my T-ball game. It's about whether we're gonna have an
election come this here November. We're gonna have an election, and a
certain yours truly is gonna be returned with an even bigger minority
than I had last time. Whether that election is gonna happen this here
November is up to Osama, Saddam, and a bunch of other fanatical
towel-heads with names that looked like alphabet soup that's been
barfed up by a sick baby. "Al-WowieZowie," stuff like that.



So here's the deal. Coupla months ago, in my daily confab with Jesus H.
Christ - yeah, I talk to him, you betcha, unlike my atheistic
opponents, Frenchy-Face and Pretty Boy - Jesus said, "Dubya, you gotta
make this here DeForest Soaries Jr Chairman of the U.S. Election
Assistance Commission." So I said, "Son o' God, who is this here
Soaries fella?"
And my personal Lord, Savior and bestest bud told me he was the Senior
Pastor of the 7,000-member First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in
Somerset, New Jersey. So I said, "J-J" - I even give the Anointed
God-Man a nickname - "Is he gonna do what I want? Because only my
infallibleness is perfect." "Trust me, George. Now I gotta go visit
Mel Gibson in the edit room."

So I appointed this here Soaries fella, and he's the one that's talkin'
to Tommy Ridge. Soaries noticed that no federal agency had the
authority to postpone an election, so he asked the Ridge-Meister to
ask Congress to give his commission the power.



Now before y'all get your panties in a bunch - especially you
America-hating, Starbucks-sucking, Prius-driving, sushi-eating, elite
liberal homos out there - we're not gonna postpone the election unless
something real bad happens.



I made up a list of possibles and shot it over to Tommy the R. This
should throw cold water on the Tin-Foil-Beanie Brigade.



CIRCUMSTANCES UNDER WHICH THE 2004 ELECTIONS COULD, MIGHT, SHOULD, OR
WILL BE POSTPONED UNTIL SUCH TIME AS A CERTAIN YOURS TRULY FIGURES ITS
SAFE TO HOLD 'EM.



1) In Case of Terrorist Attack.



Now we don't want somethin' like what happened in Spain to happen
here, where al-qaeda set off a bomb and those brain-dead,
chicken-shit, communistic morons went and elected a cowardly
appeastmenter, who pulled them Spanish troops so they could no longer
get their limbs blown off to bring Democracy and Wal-Marts to Iraq. We
can't have that happen in America. If the terrorists attack - and that
can be a Muslim whose car backfires Halloween - we'll put off the
election until...ahhh...whenever.



2) In case of THREAT of Terrorist Attack.



What if some of these sneaky-faced terrorists start, you know, checkin'
out dangerous library books? Think we can have an election when that's
happening? No sirreee bobcat.



3) In case of Excessive Cell Phone Chatter



Just this week, T-Boy Ridgeanator courageously informed the American
public about all the cell phone chatter he was hearin', and how he
couldn't really hear it too well, but it could very well have been
about how the terrorists are planning to do something so Lurch and
Breck Girl will win the election. Can't have that, friends. Cell phone
chatter means terrorists . Terrorists want me to lose. If I lose,
America loses, and I've still got tax cuts to make permanent.



4) In Case I'm Losin' In Late October



I'm against the terrorists. John Flip-Flop and John Mouthpiece are
against me. Therefore, they are for the terrorists. If I lose, they
win.
If I win, they lose. The American people didn't elect me - well, dang,
they didn't elect me at all - let me re-phrase that. The Supreme Court
appointed me to keep this nation safe, and that's what I'm going to
do, if I have to use the Constitution as toilet paper to do
it.



5) If I Feel Like It



I'm gettin' mighty tired of pointy-headed bureaucrats, snotty-nosed
pencil pushers and godless, atheistic homosexual marriage-destroyers
telling me what I can and can't do. Ya know, I can go back to the
private sector any time I want. I'm a young man. I still have time to
destroy five or six more companies. Let's say I decide to cancel the
elections. You really think Tommy DeLay and Billy Frist are gonna
impeach me? Pardon me while I go har-de-har-har-har-har.



I mean, Jesus talks to ME. Not you, ME. He told ME the job is MINE as
long as I want it. He's the frickin' Son O' God. You gonna tell me I
should listen to a bunch of pissant "voters" instead of the King of
Kings? The Way, the Truth, the Light? I'd cry if I wasn't so busy
laffin' my keester off.



Thank you, and God Bless Those Of You Who Support Me.

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<br sincerely,<br>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

WARNING: Republicans don't read this

from <a href="http://www.smirkingchimp.com"> The Smirking Chimp</a>

<lj-cut>
Rich Procter: 'Bush reassures America about delaying elections'
(Date: 2004-07-12 09:55:40)
Topic: Election 2004

<i>By Rich Procter</i><br><br>

A MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, GEORGE W.
BUSH<br><br>

What I'm about ta tell y'all is so dang important I left in the third
inning of my T-ball game. It's about whether we're gonna have an
election come this here November. We're gonna have an election, and a
certain yours truly is gonna be returned with an even bigger minority
than I had last time. Whether that election is gonna happen this here
November is up to Osama, Saddam, and a bunch of other fanatical
towel-heads with names that looked like alphabet soup that's been
barfed up by a sick baby. "Al-WowieZowie," stuff like that. <br><br>

So here's the deal. Coupla months ago, in my daily confab with Jesus H.
Christ - yeah, I talk to him, you betcha, unlike my atheistic
opponents, Frenchy-Face and Pretty Boy - Jesus said, "Dubya, you gotta
make this here DeForest Soaries Jr Chairman of the U.S. Election
Assistance Commission." So I said, "Son o' God, who is this here
Soaries fella?"
And my personal Lord, Savior and bestest bud told me he was the Senior
Pastor of the 7,000-member First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in
Somerset, New Jersey. So I said, "J-J" - I even give the Anointed
God-Man a nickname - "Is he gonna do what I want? Because only my
infallibleness is perfect." "Trust me, George. Now I gotta go visit
Mel Gibson in the edit room."

So I appointed this here Soaries fella, and he's the one that's talkin'
to Tommy Ridge. Soaries noticed that no federal agency had the
authority to postpone an election, so he asked the Ridge-Meister to
ask Congress to give his commission the power.<br><br>

Now before y'all get your panties in a bunch - especially you
America-hating, Starbucks-sucking, Prius-driving, sushi-eating, elite
liberal homos out there - we're not gonna postpone the election unless
something real bad happens.<br><br>

I made up a list of possibles and shot it over to Tommy the R. This
should throw cold water on the Tin-Foil-Beanie Brigade.<br><br>

CIRCUMSTANCES UNDER WHICH THE 2004 ELECTIONS COULD, MIGHT, SHOULD, OR
WILL BE POSTPONED UNTIL SUCH TIME AS A CERTAIN YOURS TRULY FIGURES ITS
SAFE TO HOLD 'EM.<br><br>

1) In Case of Terrorist Attack. <br><br>

Now we don't want somethin' like what happened in Spain to happen
here, where al-qaeda set off a bomb and those brain-dead,
chicken-shit, communistic morons went and elected a cowardly
appeastmenter, who pulled them Spanish troops so they could no longer
get their limbs blown off to bring Democracy and Wal-Marts to Iraq. We
can't have that happen in America. If the terrorists attack - and that
can be a Muslim whose car backfires Halloween - we'll put off the
election until...ahhh...whenever.<br><br>

2) In case of THREAT of Terrorist Attack. <br><br>

What if some of these sneaky-faced terrorists start, you know, checkin'
out dangerous library books? Think we can have an election when that's
happening? No sirreee bobcat.<br><br>

3) In case of Excessive Cell Phone Chatter<br><br>

Just this week, T-Boy Ridgeanator courageously informed the American
public about all the cell phone chatter he was hearin', and how he
couldn't really hear it too well, but it could very well have been
about how the terrorists are planning to do something so Lurch and
Breck Girl will win the election. Can't have that, friends. Cell phone
chatter means terrorists . Terrorists want me to lose. If I lose,
America loses, and I've still got tax cuts to make permanent.<br><br>

4) In Case I'm Losin' In Late October<br><br>

I'm against the terrorists. John Flip-Flop and John Mouthpiece are
against me. Therefore, they are for the terrorists. If I lose, they
win.
If I win, they lose. The American people didn't elect me - well, dang,
they didn't elect me at all - let me re-phrase that. The Supreme Court
appointed me to keep this nation safe, and that's what I'm going to
do, if I have to use the Constitution as toilet paper to do
it.<br><br>

5) If I Feel Like It<br><br>

I'm gettin' mighty tired of pointy-headed bureaucrats, snotty-nosed
pencil pushers and godless, atheistic homosexual marriage-destroyers
telling me what I can and can't do. Ya know, I can go back to the
private sector any time I want. I'm a young man. I still have time to
destroy five or six more companies. Let's say I decide to cancel the
elections. You really think Tommy DeLay and Billy Frist are gonna
impeach me? Pardon me while I go har-de-har-har-har-har.<br><br>

I mean, Jesus talks to ME. Not you, ME. He told ME the job is MINE as
long as I want it. He's the frickin' Son O' God. You gonna tell me I
should listen to a bunch of pissant "voters" instead of the King of
Kings? The Way, the Truth, the Light? I'd cry if I wasn't so busy
laffin' my keester off. <br><br>

Thank you, and God Bless Those Of You Who Support Me.<br
Sincerely,<br>G.W. Bush


</lj-cut>

Comments

[seraphimsigrist.livejournal.com]

in the event someone brought in and
detonated even a small nuclear device
in washington, how would an orderly
rescheduling of the election be made
if the groundwork were not in place
legally?
well I suppose in principle even if
much of congress were lost there would
be a seccession of congressional authority
to authorize the President or acting President
to do what was necessary?

I think that is an extremenly unlikely
scenario for many reasons but not impossible
quite, in case of a small pox epidemic
which required whole population inoculation
I suppose congress would be able to assemble
and act.

ust thse thoughts on the question itself.
am inclined to think authority in place could
be a prudent move.
+Seraphim.