procrastinating again ...
Jan. 13th, 2003 02:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
percival... ok, so I have to write this paper for a conference, and instead, I'm checking LJ and the Quill. How sad.
To be at least a little productive, here's a LJ update.
First of all, pregnancy. So my dear buddy![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
piperx has come clean, and so will I.
My husband and me have been trying to have a baby for 15 months now. For two of those months, we didn't try, because I feared I would be heavily pregnant when I was due to teach at a Summer School (HAH!), for one month, I was sick with bronchitis, and for one month, I was away during ovulation. It's been quite a rollercoaster.
The first lesson I learned was humility. There's so much in life that is in the hands of God, so much that is due to chance, so much that cannot be planned. When I think of my life before trying to conceive, I was a person who liked to map out every move and plan what she was going to be doing for years in advance. Get Ph.D., get job, have baby. Tick, tick, - no, dear.
The second lesson was that I needed to take better care of myself. The "quick fix" - drinking awful Chinese herbal tea - did not work. So I went to see a nutritionist. She first put me on supplements and advised me to cut out caffeine and to eat more healthily. All I did was take my pills (not that regularly) and reduce my caffeine intake to two caffeinated and several decaffeinated cups a day. Then I went off coffee altogether. Then I came off sugar - and the depression started. There is so much that sugar can just lock up inside you, because a quick fix of the stuff makes you happy again and saves you from confronting your demons. So I started therapy. Transactional Analysis, highly recommended. I also wanted to remove any emotional blocks - maybe, unconsciously, I did not want to conceive? Parallel to that, I went on the Anti-Candida diet. No wheat, no yeast, no dairy. So, no convenience food and more home-cooking. More fruit and veg than I had ever eaten before.
I'm now in the middle of a complete physical and psychological detox. Just because I can't have a baby.
Now we found out that it's not me who might be the prime suspect. My husband's sperm count is low. We're now trying boxer shorts, decaffeinated coffee, and healthy eating. We are also trying to focus on the positive side of things - just imagine the saving on condoms and pills!
The amounts of guilt-free sex! The kids every three to four years!
In April, we will see specialists. It might be some time before we get actual treatment, becuase this is Britain, this is the NHS, and we are slooooow to provide you with any sort of health care that is not emergency-related. Luckily, I'm still only 28.
We're now planning our vacation of a life time (to Iceland, hubby dislikes warm climates),
and I've just stopped adjusting my life to a potential pregnancy. I submit stuff for conferences irrespective of potential pregnancies, plan holidays, work Sundays again (albeit for 2-3 hours). My friend Mary calls this strategy "tricking fate". My friend Simone fell pregnant when she and her partner were about to move to a new town, and she'd already registered for a course there. They'd been trying to get pregnant for half a year, but to no avail.
I work Sundays because I'm at heart an academic and researcher, but I'm working for an IT company which does not give me time for that. So research is an evening and weekend job. Once the baby's born, this will have to change - in the mean time, one of my major aims for the New Year is to regularly do something productive after work, because my work leaves me singularly empty. (I define reading interesting non-fiction as "productive", because at least I'm learning something new. Which I love.)
To be at least a little productive, here's a LJ update.
First of all, pregnancy. So my dear buddy
piperx has come clean, and so will I. My husband and me have been trying to have a baby for 15 months now. For two of those months, we didn't try, because I feared I would be heavily pregnant when I was due to teach at a Summer School (HAH!), for one month, I was sick with bronchitis, and for one month, I was away during ovulation. It's been quite a rollercoaster.
The first lesson I learned was humility. There's so much in life that is in the hands of God, so much that is due to chance, so much that cannot be planned. When I think of my life before trying to conceive, I was a person who liked to map out every move and plan what she was going to be doing for years in advance. Get Ph.D., get job, have baby. Tick, tick, - no, dear.
The second lesson was that I needed to take better care of myself. The "quick fix" - drinking awful Chinese herbal tea - did not work. So I went to see a nutritionist. She first put me on supplements and advised me to cut out caffeine and to eat more healthily. All I did was take my pills (not that regularly) and reduce my caffeine intake to two caffeinated and several decaffeinated cups a day. Then I went off coffee altogether. Then I came off sugar - and the depression started. There is so much that sugar can just lock up inside you, because a quick fix of the stuff makes you happy again and saves you from confronting your demons. So I started therapy. Transactional Analysis, highly recommended. I also wanted to remove any emotional blocks - maybe, unconsciously, I did not want to conceive? Parallel to that, I went on the Anti-Candida diet. No wheat, no yeast, no dairy. So, no convenience food and more home-cooking. More fruit and veg than I had ever eaten before.
I'm now in the middle of a complete physical and psychological detox. Just because I can't have a baby.
Now we found out that it's not me who might be the prime suspect. My husband's sperm count is low. We're now trying boxer shorts, decaffeinated coffee, and healthy eating. We are also trying to focus on the positive side of things - just imagine the saving on condoms and pills!
The amounts of guilt-free sex! The kids every three to four years!
In April, we will see specialists. It might be some time before we get actual treatment, becuase this is Britain, this is the NHS, and we are slooooow to provide you with any sort of health care that is not emergency-related. Luckily, I'm still only 28.
We're now planning our vacation of a life time (to Iceland, hubby dislikes warm climates),
and I've just stopped adjusting my life to a potential pregnancy. I submit stuff for conferences irrespective of potential pregnancies, plan holidays, work Sundays again (albeit for 2-3 hours). My friend Mary calls this strategy "tricking fate". My friend Simone fell pregnant when she and her partner were about to move to a new town, and she'd already registered for a course there. They'd been trying to get pregnant for half a year, but to no avail.
I work Sundays because I'm at heart an academic and researcher, but I'm working for an IT company which does not give me time for that. So research is an evening and weekend job. Once the baby's born, this will have to change - in the mean time, one of my major aims for the New Year is to regularly do something productive after work, because my work leaves me singularly empty. (I define reading interesting non-fiction as "productive", because at least I'm learning something new. Which I love.)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-01-12 11:33 am (UTC)I don't really know what to say, you do seem to be doing everything you possibly can that might help. Good luck.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-12 01:22 pm (UTC)I've never heard of transactional analysis. I'm glad it's working for you.
I am in the midst of trying to decaffeinate my system. I'm giving away all my coffee and trying to limit myself to one to two cups a day at work.
I think the most important thing for you to remember is that yes, you are young. Realistically, you have many more years and many more options to try before giving up hope. I have a friend who got married and started having kids in her forties. She's pregnant with #2 now. So just remember that you have a lot of time.