adoption ramblings

[percival]

Somehow I think – don’t laugh – that maybe we’re meant to adopt. My husband is so patient, and my heart really goes out to these poor kids in orphanages without a future. We’d make really good adoptive parents. We both can love kids no matter whether they’re biologically ours or not, and I’m good with languages and love learning about different cultures. I’m sure I can be there for an internationally adopted kid when his/her time comes to go back to her roots. I’ll be good at letting go. All kids are only ours for a short while; they’re on loan. Adopted kids are no different, and if they go back to search for their roots, that’s a normal part of finding their identity. It doesn’t mean that they reject their adoptive family. I keep hearing stories of international adoptions, and I keep rooting for the parents to get their kids as soon as possible, sharing the excitement and the frustration and the joy. Whatever adoption is, it’s not a second-best choice, it’s an alternative way of building a family. I know now that it’s not a cure for the pain of infertility, but it’s a cure for the pain of being without kids to raise.

I’ve also come to realise that my husband is pretty unique in that he accepted adoption as a solution very early on in the game. Having a family is what matters to him. I’m going to talk matters over with my husband some time over the next year or so, because once we start the adoption process, I want to make sure that we’ll go all the way, no matter whether we reproduce naturally or not.

Comments

[atropos87.livejournal.com]

Whatever adoption is, it’s not a second-best choice, it’s an alternative way of building a family.

Amen to that. And I think if you do decide that's the route for you, this understanding of what you would be doing will be a huge step in making you a great adoptive mother.

[brightfame.livejournal.com]

I think this sounds great. Please keep us posted.

[acusa-dora.livejournal.com]

You saw it in action at our house.

[guttaperk.livejournal.com]

Lessons we all should learn, and relearn.

[anyro.livejournal.com]

I think it all sounds reasonable, and if you can live with the decision, I'm sure it's the right thing - for a child who is in need of parents, but also for you, because it would put a kind of end to this very stressful process.

[awelkin.livejournal.com]

It's probably not a bad idea on lots of levels.

Catherine

[mollymcgonagall.livejournal.com]

I'll be praying for you all.

My cousin and her husband adopted a little boy from Russia about 6 months ago. He is 7 years old, and there's been bumps, but overall, Rachel reports things are going very well.

J

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

Word. To all of it. Been there, done that. *hugs*

[narcissam.livejournal.com]

I'm so happy to see you posting about adoption. So many people don't think about it, and there are so many children out there who need homes.

NM

[in-the-blue.livejournal.com]

You know how I feel about it.

I'm an outspoken advocate for adoption: international or domestic, open or closed. Kids need homes. Parents need kids. It's the perfect solution! I doubt I could love my daughter more if she'd entered the world from my womb. Who cares about that? She entered it from my heart.

When you adopt, you no longer need a cure for infertility. You can stop chasing that and just get to be a mom. To me, that's what it's all about, and I went through a lot of the same stuff you're going through or have been through. It dulls all that so quickly.

If I might, though... on an intellectual level the phrase "those poor kids in orphanages without a future" rankles just a little bit. In many countries those kids do have futures: they're just different from what we consider to be the norm. One step in adopting internationally is putting aside our own criticism of our child's culture and accepting it for what it is. For their sakes, we have to embrace all that it entails: the good and the bad, the things that tug at our heartstrings, the things that we in the West think would never be able to stand in a million years.

Having your child placed in your arms for the first time is an incredibly beautiful and humbling experience. No matter where your child is from.

[h311ybean]

I just wanted to say that these are wonderful thoughts and agree that you would make a great mother, adoptive or natural. Good luck to you and your husband!

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Yes, and it was really inspiring. Miss you already - I enjoyed that trip so much!

[perceval.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

One step in adopting internationally is putting aside our own criticism of our child's culture and accepting it for what it is.

Wise words from an alpha female. I can see how that attitude "we got you out of there, be grateful" could quickly become poisonous.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

well, we haven't talked in depth about this yet.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Indeed there are - and there are also many hoops to jump through until those kids get their homes.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't worry - it's going to be a long journey indeed.

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

:)

It took us about 4 years to become adoptive parents from the time we decided to stop all the "heroic interventions" till the moment we took custody. The hard part for us was trying to figure out how to adopt (international v. domestic, independent v. agency). We ended up doing an agency-based domestic newborn adoption, which pretty much amazed both of us. Of course we had to travel halfway across the country (Texas) for our baby to find us but it has worked out pretty well. This past weekend in the supermarket I ran into a woman I know who, with her husband, adopted a toddler from Poland. The little girl is about 4 now and just gorgeous. If you need specific adoption-related moral support, I'm here for you :)