Grief

[percival]

I'm grieving right now. Close to tears, can't work as productively as I used to. I'm grieving the pregnancy I can't have, the birth I can't give. I'm allowing myself to feel the pain, the rage, the anger. And it feels good, in a perverse way. It feels like that this is what's needed to melt the fibroids. The grief wells up as soon as I feel even slightly unsettled.

And it will take as long as it takes.

I'm not going to repress it any more. I'm not going to take it on the chin and move on. I'm not going to keep a stiff upper lip. I'm not going to deny my desire to be a mother, my husband's desire to be a father, our desire to have a family, to see a tiny child grow up.

To everybody out there who's ever given the well-meaning advice "relax and it will happen": You can't relax on command. You can't forget all about becoming a mother. You can't just move on to a childfree life. Please honour my process.

This entry was brought to you by Whiny Associated Self Helpers (WASH) ;)

Comments

[poconell.livejournal.com]

Oh, Perce! ::Hugs::

I've only been able to skim through my friends page this week, but I have been thinking about you and what you're going through. I'm so sorry!

You can let this out all you want. Don't hold anything in.

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

(((BIG BIG HUGS)))

Grieve all you need to.

[erised1810.livejournal.com]

[{{hugs}}}
Adnthis Is going to hel pmeltthe fibroids, I" mconvinced.

[jiminyc.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Nobody has any right to try to stop you from grieving. It's the healthiest way to deal with the situation - much better than pasting a phony smile on your face and pretending you don't care. You grieve as much as YOU need to and don't worry about anyone else's opinions.

*hugs again*

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

***MEGAGLOMPS***

[angelofthenorth.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Grieve because grieving is intrinsically right, not simply 'because it might help the fibroid', because that's not grieving, it's wallowing. You have every right to feel the pain, you have every right to cry and scream and hurt, if you also let it help you grow as a person.

I hope I don't sound too harsh. I'm asking you to let go of the self-hate, the hurt, and recognise that you are special, and valuable. You matter whether or not you adopt/have kids. You matter whether or not you do the habilitation, play nicely with mother or whatever.

You are precious, more precious than you can possibly know.

*sends lots of positive energy*

[calanthe-b.livejournal.com]

~tight hugs~

[h311ybean]

*huge hugs*

I agree that it helps to vent. (I'd rather let bad feelings out - at the top of my lungs, if possible - than carry them around inside and pretend they aren't there.)

[piperx.livejournal.com]

::BIG HUGS::

You will get through this.

[atropos87.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Do what you need to, my dear.

[cynthia-black.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

You certainly don't need to hold this in, m'dear - the emotions will out.

*more hugs*

[stereo-m.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to repress it any more.

Good. I think that's important... it never works anyway, to repress things.

*hugs*