Sprituality
May. 1st, 2003 11:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
percivalwell, well. This test claims that Augustine spirituality is appropriate for me.
Thing is, I hate visualisations. Tried them twice, both times broke down in tears (literally) because I got too upset and frustrated by my f***ing inability to visualise. I couldn't bring up a picture in my mind. Just the mere mention of this meditation technique gets my blood boiling.
Actually, there's your answer - in a nutshell - why I don't really do Christian meditation. Most guided Christian meditations contain bloody visualisations. Oh, I hate them with a vengeance. But that's me - I get very, very impatient and upset very quickly when something doesn't work or when I don't understand something. That gets to me almost as much as visualisations. But visualisations are worse, because if I have a scientific problem, I can at least break it down into little pieces and reason about it, trying to persuade my stupid little useless hare-brain to find some thread. Not so with visualisations. Ah. The mere thought sends me on a spiral of negativity.
I think I can do Lectio Divina, or get lost in a painting or music, and use techniques that involve dialogue or brainstorming or scribbling on paper, or do my favourite, "just sitting", the Shikantaza of Zen. But not the friggin' monologue of visualisations. I HAVE NO IMAGINATION. I HAVE A VERY BAD MEMORY. I cannot remember tunes, and I find it next to impossible to conjure up mental images. I don't need to see God to enter into a dialogue with Him/Her, and I am constitutionally unable to enter into Bible scenes and "notice what I see". NOTICE WHAT I FAIL TO SEE, more likely! Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, taste the bread. Well, no, sir. No can do.
Phew. That feels better. I have to get this off my chest from time to time :)
May I also add that I don't feel comfortable with the good St. Augustine himself? More precisely, with the misogyny that pervades his writings? Undoubtedly, he has written a lot of wise things, but that doesn't mean he is infallible. If I did exactly what he advises to do, my married life would be tres, ahem, boring. If you see what I mean.
I'm much more at home with St. Igantius of Loyola.
*** *** ***
On to something much nicer. I know that some of you are quite spiritual. Well, if you fancy reading inspiring spiritual thoughts every day and meditating on some superb pictures, then check out![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seraphimsigrist. It is truly fascinating. I spend quite some time getting lost in these pictures. If anything, Zen has taught me to see - to be with a painting.
*** *** ***
Finally,drac11 seems to be Missing In Action. I know ciircee is alive and well, but what about him? brightfame, can you elucidate?
Thing is, I hate visualisations. Tried them twice, both times broke down in tears (literally) because I got too upset and frustrated by my f***ing inability to visualise. I couldn't bring up a picture in my mind. Just the mere mention of this meditation technique gets my blood boiling.
Actually, there's your answer - in a nutshell - why I don't really do Christian meditation. Most guided Christian meditations contain bloody visualisations. Oh, I hate them with a vengeance. But that's me - I get very, very impatient and upset very quickly when something doesn't work or when I don't understand something. That gets to me almost as much as visualisations. But visualisations are worse, because if I have a scientific problem, I can at least break it down into little pieces and reason about it, trying to persuade my stupid little useless hare-brain to find some thread. Not so with visualisations. Ah. The mere thought sends me on a spiral of negativity.
I think I can do Lectio Divina, or get lost in a painting or music, and use techniques that involve dialogue or brainstorming or scribbling on paper, or do my favourite, "just sitting", the Shikantaza of Zen. But not the friggin' monologue of visualisations. I HAVE NO IMAGINATION. I HAVE A VERY BAD MEMORY. I cannot remember tunes, and I find it next to impossible to conjure up mental images. I don't need to see God to enter into a dialogue with Him/Her, and I am constitutionally unable to enter into Bible scenes and "notice what I see". NOTICE WHAT I FAIL TO SEE, more likely! Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, taste the bread. Well, no, sir. No can do.
Phew. That feels better. I have to get this off my chest from time to time :)
May I also add that I don't feel comfortable with the good St. Augustine himself? More precisely, with the misogyny that pervades his writings? Undoubtedly, he has written a lot of wise things, but that doesn't mean he is infallible. If I did exactly what he advises to do, my married life would be tres, ahem, boring. If you see what I mean.
I'm much more at home with St. Igantius of Loyola.
*** *** ***
On to something much nicer. I know that some of you are quite spiritual. Well, if you fancy reading inspiring spiritual thoughts every day and meditating on some superb pictures, then check out
seraphimsigrist. It is truly fascinating. I spend quite some time getting lost in these pictures. If anything, Zen has taught me to see - to be with a painting. *** *** ***
Finally,
drac11 seems to be Missing In Action. I know ciircee is alive and well, but what about him? brightfame, can you elucidate?
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no subject
Date: 2003-05-01 02:06 pm (UTC)