Motherhood & Emotions

[percival]

Strange old beast, this motherhood thing. On one hand, I've never been so happy in my entire life. Never laughed so much, never smiled so much. Never been so utterly sanguine about WORX. On the other hand, there are these irrational fears. That I slip with baby in the sling, fall on top of her, and she dies of her injuries. That baby pulls the sofa throw and the laptop tumbles on top of her and crushes her to death. That I slip on stairs with her, and she tumbles from me. That she tumbles from the sling in the bus, is thrown around the bus, and dies of her internal injuries.

Horrific, horrific stuff.

I know that all this worrying has a function: It makes me extra careful. I immediately assess each new situation for potential dangers to my daughter. My horror fantasies help me spot potential dangers. I know that other mums worry too, that it's normal.

But I wish that I could shut the voices off so that I can sleep when my baby sleeps.

Right now, I'm following the classical "sleepless night" advice to get up and about when you can't sleep, and return to your bed again when sufficiently knackered.

Okay, let's hit the computer Sudoku again ...

Comments

[sff-corgi.livejournal.com]

Heh. You might not be surprised to know I'm doing the same thing with the puppies.

• I go inside from the front yard because I have to go to the bathroom and come back to find the gate open and puppies missing
• I come home from work to find only one puppy and can't find the other, while my mother's passed out napping on her bed
• Something Horrible gets into the yard and they eat it without me noticing and get deathly ill

Yeah, the ol' turn-your-back day-mare. Thing is, the first and third things have actually happened to other dogs of my pack; cause enough for shrieking paranoia, eh?

Um. That wasn't terribly comforting at all. I'll just go away now.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

i am not surprised at all. sheesh ... instincts, eh?

[sff-corgi.livejournal.com]

Quite.