Plus ca change

[percival]

Before I had my daughter, I considered women to be inferior to men. In my head, I was all for equal opportunities feminism, and I would have been seriously angry if I'd been passed over for anything at work because of my gender. But there was still a small voice in my head that said "oh, they only have a girl" when I came across one-daughter-families. When my daughter announced herself, that voice was silenced.

Before I stayed with brightfame, I was a racist. Even though I seriously believed that everybody should be treated the same, without any regard for the colour of their skin, I still somehow saw people of a different skin colour as different, somebody to tiptoe around, somebody to be especially nice to. Now, I see them as human beings just like me.

And you know what? If you'd accused me of being a racist or regarding women as inferior in, say, 2004, I would have sworn that you wanted to malign me.

Comments

[windswept.livejournal.com]

That is really interesting.

[aome.livejournal.com]

Before I had my daughter, I considered women to be inferior to men.

Seriously? Why? What made you view women as unequal?

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Oh, just my mum's bitterness about being devalued as a sahm, tales of my maternal grandfather always wanting a son ... little things that build up

[lizr0221.livejournal.com]

You know what, that was very interesting, and very honest.

Thanks.

[hildigunnur.livejournal.com]

That's quite interesting. I can't say I've ever shared your views - the different race one is easily answered, one of my oldest and best friends (we have known each other for 18 years) is black and I consider myself not far from being colourblind in this respect.

Then again we all have our different experiences and influences.

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

I grew up in an atmosphere that devalued women as par the course. Nobody actually said anything, but it was just implied. Women authors were inferior to male authors, women's jobs weren't as solid or important as men's, women shouldn't become journalists because they have families to raise, etc, etc, ad nauseam. And I still struggle with that, because being a woman and wanting to be the things that women are supposedly less good at than men is hard to reconcile. I KNOW my ideas and beliefs are no less legitimate and less up for equal scrutiny as men, but in my gut, that song is different and every day, it's hard to reconcile. So, I know exactly what you mean. Thank you for being so honest about it. I'm glad that your perspective changed. And, for what it's worth, you have a beautiful daughter who, I'm guessing, will grow up to make you very, very proud.

[murasaki99.livejournal.com]

We learn as grow as we go through life. Thank goodness. And isn't it neat how we develop? Some of the hardest baggage to dump is the subtle cultural stuff that seeps in as we grow up. Bravo to you for noticing. :)

I'm still a work in progress, too. Different issues, but it's all the same work. Nice to know I have company.

[wang1961.livejournal.com]

One of the hallmarks of racism is that the dominant group doesn't really have to deal with it, so they can pretend it doesn't exist, while reaping all of the rewards.

Congratulations on shaking up your worldview.

[(Anonymous)]

Interesting. I know before I went to live somewhere I was in the (ethnic) minority, I had a much shallower understanding of what it is like to be in a minority. Now I am pretty convinced it is not actually possible to be colourblind. I know I'm not now - but I'm more aware of my prejudices.

I think I'd probably be more disappointed, personally, to have only boys than only girls - but I think that has made me admire people who, for example, choose to adopt boys.

[erised1810.livejournal.com]

itneresting..*has too many thoughts tumbling over each other*

I never conciderd beign extra cautious to colroed peopel as racism. I neverevone knew there was tendency to treat those peoeple extra-nice because of the racism issue.
something I learned then? I now finally understand where the thing comes from that makes some people acttowards blidn peopel as if they ar chiildren ,or can't think or can't do much. I realizedI had the same issue with deaf people I mean I seriously literally relaize that of course...loh yes, they can't talk but they can still THINK. And they could have just as many philosophical debates amongst eaach other using sign language. Is it a bit the same.

[joesther.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was... honest. And brave.

I think that as we expose ourselves to more things in life, our true beliefs and ideas about things become known to us. Someone who might not have ever considered themself homophobic, for example, before moving to the Village (in NYC) or the Castro (or anywhere in SF) might find themself needing to rethink their beliefs once they're confronted with homosexuality on a daily basis - on the bus, perhaps, or at a local diner.

I think it's the same thing with you and your daughter. Before you had her, you had certain ideas, certain thoughts (and I'm assuming from your statement that someone would be trying to malign you had they said anything, you were also in some state of denial), but now you're more aware, more alert to what it's like to have a female child, and as a result of that, you've grown.

We're always growing, always learning. Society and circumstance teach us things that we're not even aware of till we take a look back and think, "wow, this is how I was last year/five years ago, and this is how I am today," and then you realize how much you've changed.

Just sharing

[h311ybean]

Thanks for sharing these things. It's nice to hear about how people learn and change from their life experiences.

And here's something random: I think that if I could have only one child, I'd want a daughter.

[brightfame.livejournal.com]

If one visit changed you, you're a better person than I am. I acknowledge and live with my prejudices and biases. I simply try not to let them affect how I behave, and pray to God for the grace to be healed of them.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

it didn't change me completely - but it was a very decisive shift

[gunderpants.livejournal.com]

I was raised in a racist environment with a racist parent, and it pretty much took both the crap being kicked out of me in early teen years and an exposure to a much more positive environment for me to learn better. As such, these days I'm pretty blase about race as an issue, to the extent that I didn't really realise I was dating someone of a different race to me for the first three months of our relationship.


(At any rate, I found your LJ name and jumped for joy since you're positively one of my favouritest people over at FAP and your common-sense posts never fail to impress me and set my mind at ease about the average IQ over there. Would you mind terribly if I friended you?

you're welcome, but ...

[perceval.livejournal.com]

... I am not registered on FAP, and I haven't posted on fansites for more than a year now.

Re: you're welcome, but ...

[gunderpants.livejournal.com]

My word, this is very stupid of me. There's another poster by name of Perceval on FAP. Nonetheless, your post was extremely insightful for someone of my own background.