why we won't foster

[percival]

This is in response to a reply to my last post by angelofthenorth, which got me thinking.

Should people who go for IVF or other conception aids foster a child before they are granted help? This strategy has a lot going for it, to be sure. It would make parents reevaluate whether they really want a child, whether they can cope with a child who has problems, and whether they can deal with the relentlessness of it all.

But this effectively boils down to the question whether potential parents should be able to cope with children with grave behavioural difficulties and deep seated psychological damage before they are allowed to have children.

This is really a difficult one. By those standards, MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE because I am pretty sure that the two of us will not be able to handle a child who has suffered so much abuse that s/he is unable to connect to anybody. The two of us will not be able to deal with the constant challenges by a child who has been deeply deprived in his/her early childhood. The chances of a child of ours to be deeply deprived in their childhood is minimal of course even though I plan to be WORKING and hence will be a BAD MOTHER COMPLETELY UNFIT FOR CHILDREN.

So maybe it's good that we haven't conceived yet, because we're clearly unfit to be parents?

(ETA: I'd rather volunteer to work with children in need a couple of hours a week to work on reading or social skills or to provide safe touch than foster. This way, I'd do my thing, even though I AM TOO BLOODY INEPT TO HAVE MY OWN BABY.)

Comments

[perceval.livejournal.com]

sigh. yes, this is my path, and it's not easy.

thanks for the perspective! :)