why we won't foster

[percival]

This is in response to a reply to my last post by angelofthenorth, which got me thinking.

Should people who go for IVF or other conception aids foster a child before they are granted help? This strategy has a lot going for it, to be sure. It would make parents reevaluate whether they really want a child, whether they can cope with a child who has problems, and whether they can deal with the relentlessness of it all.

But this effectively boils down to the question whether potential parents should be able to cope with children with grave behavioural difficulties and deep seated psychological damage before they are allowed to have children.

This is really a difficult one. By those standards, MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE because I am pretty sure that the two of us will not be able to handle a child who has suffered so much abuse that s/he is unable to connect to anybody. The two of us will not be able to deal with the constant challenges by a child who has been deeply deprived in his/her early childhood. The chances of a child of ours to be deeply deprived in their childhood is minimal of course even though I plan to be WORKING and hence will be a BAD MOTHER COMPLETELY UNFIT FOR CHILDREN.

So maybe it's good that we haven't conceived yet, because we're clearly unfit to be parents?

(ETA: I'd rather volunteer to work with children in need a couple of hours a week to work on reading or social skills or to provide safe touch than foster. This way, I'd do my thing, even though I AM TOO BLOODY INEPT TO HAVE MY OWN BABY.)

Comments

[voxmaille.livejournal.com]

However, that was acceptable parental behavior even into the 19th century. Other examples of changing societal expectations that challenge the implication that there is a stable construct of family life and child-rearing in society include historical attitudes towards child labor (outside and inside the home), severe child-beating (and wife-beating, for that matter), and what we would consider emotional neglect. These were a part of life for people of all social strata in the past. By no means does this imply that we should continue with these historical attitudes. It is instead pointing out that the child-rearing practices and family life of centuries past do not necessarily provide grounds for arguments relating to family life today.