The Fertility Appointment
Oct. 5th, 2004 07:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
percivalWhat an anticlimax.
I arrived on time, to be shown into the consulting room at five minutes past the appointment time. The doctor who awaited me there was an Icelandic woman who'd just started her specialised post-grad training in Edinburgh. Brynja Ragnarsdottir. The third doctor in as many appointments - never a consultant. The first doc we saw was a young trainee with somebody else to guide her, the second a registrar, and now this new arrival on the block.
So far, so good. Now, you will remember that I was quite looking forward to this appointment. I thought this was where our options would be discussed in detail, where we'd be given advice and counsel. The registrar had already informed us of our options in March, prior to the hysterosalpingogram.
The doc's opening words were, after some introductory banter: "I see you've already been advised on your options, and there's nothing wrong with you. What do you want to do?"
For FUCK's sake, woman. Don't you realise that this is the first appointment after all the results have come in? We'd been promised an in-depth discussion of our case in March!
"You must have had plenty of time to reflect on your options between March and now."
So we were supposed to come with our minds all made up? Can we have some more information about the infertility study please? Where and when do we sign up? How will signing up to the study affect our status on the IVF waiting list? This infertility study is Scotland-wide. It's an investigation of what treatment to offer infertile couples while they are waiting for IVF. There are three alternatives: hormone therapy, Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), and instructions on when to have intercourse. We've known about it for a long time, and I know somebody who got pregnant on the study through IUI.
"Oh, all the info's on the leaflet. Didn't you already contact those people? And I don't know about that. I'll go ask."
(To be fair, she was much nicer than this summary suggests. She did her best given the circumstances. She was also less direct, but this is the gist of what she said.)
I almost cried with frustration and anger.
To cut a long story short, I ended up directing the conversation. Sensing my hurt, anger, and confusion, she did her very best to get me all the information needed. I.e., we'll be contacted by somebody or other about the study, and she'll write to the IVF consultant to get us an appointment. That will take 4-6 weeks, and once we've had the appointment, we're officially on the two-year waiting list. Great, that could have been set in motion months ago, right after the HSG. The only good thing that's come out of it is that now, after one and a half years in the system, I'm finally getting an abdominal ultrasound, because the Icelandic doctor thinks it's a good idea. Go Brynja!
After this lovely meeting, my husband and I went to the Elephant House for a coffee. I don't blame the doctor, but I'm furious at the system. If they're so keen on enrolling people, why don't they offer the opportunity of meeting up with the relevant nurses or doctors while the couple is at the hospital? We don't have all the time in the world, you know. Some people might not like to discuss their fertility at the workplace, or take time off work just to phone some fucking nurse about a stupid trial.
The intermediate results of the trial indicate, by the way, that IUI and a shagging manual have roughly the same success rate. Only IUI is far more complicated - I need to attend the hospital weekly to have my cycle monitored, and then there's the assisted insemination itself. Hormone therapy is less successful than either of the first two options, but still requires hospital trips to get your ovulation monitored.
You know, before that "consultation", I was all up for the trial. Do your bit for other infertile couples, and such like. But with those shoddy chances of success, I'd rather throw myself into my complementary therapies with vigour again. I won't help a system that treats infertile couples on a factory line. This is thoroughly disgusting. I'm glad I've had so much therapy and done so much work. There was no discussion of how we felt, just the assumption we would cope. I'm going the alternative route, thank you very much.
My husband tells me that I should add we had a v. pleasant evening browsing Blackwell's bookstore, and are now enjoying our evening at home, despite telly coming through from downstairs, which is irking me because I'm just so angry with the fertility machine.
Come on, in two years' time, we'll grab our three free shots at assisted conception, and then we're outta here.
I arrived on time, to be shown into the consulting room at five minutes past the appointment time. The doctor who awaited me there was an Icelandic woman who'd just started her specialised post-grad training in Edinburgh. Brynja Ragnarsdottir. The third doctor in as many appointments - never a consultant. The first doc we saw was a young trainee with somebody else to guide her, the second a registrar, and now this new arrival on the block.
So far, so good. Now, you will remember that I was quite looking forward to this appointment. I thought this was where our options would be discussed in detail, where we'd be given advice and counsel. The registrar had already informed us of our options in March, prior to the hysterosalpingogram.
The doc's opening words were, after some introductory banter: "I see you've already been advised on your options, and there's nothing wrong with you. What do you want to do?"
For FUCK's sake, woman. Don't you realise that this is the first appointment after all the results have come in? We'd been promised an in-depth discussion of our case in March!
"You must have had plenty of time to reflect on your options between March and now."
So we were supposed to come with our minds all made up? Can we have some more information about the infertility study please? Where and when do we sign up? How will signing up to the study affect our status on the IVF waiting list? This infertility study is Scotland-wide. It's an investigation of what treatment to offer infertile couples while they are waiting for IVF. There are three alternatives: hormone therapy, Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), and instructions on when to have intercourse. We've known about it for a long time, and I know somebody who got pregnant on the study through IUI.
"Oh, all the info's on the leaflet. Didn't you already contact those people? And I don't know about that. I'll go ask."
(To be fair, she was much nicer than this summary suggests. She did her best given the circumstances. She was also less direct, but this is the gist of what she said.)
I almost cried with frustration and anger.
To cut a long story short, I ended up directing the conversation. Sensing my hurt, anger, and confusion, she did her very best to get me all the information needed. I.e., we'll be contacted by somebody or other about the study, and she'll write to the IVF consultant to get us an appointment. That will take 4-6 weeks, and once we've had the appointment, we're officially on the two-year waiting list. Great, that could have been set in motion months ago, right after the HSG. The only good thing that's come out of it is that now, after one and a half years in the system, I'm finally getting an abdominal ultrasound, because the Icelandic doctor thinks it's a good idea. Go Brynja!
After this lovely meeting, my husband and I went to the Elephant House for a coffee. I don't blame the doctor, but I'm furious at the system. If they're so keen on enrolling people, why don't they offer the opportunity of meeting up with the relevant nurses or doctors while the couple is at the hospital? We don't have all the time in the world, you know. Some people might not like to discuss their fertility at the workplace, or take time off work just to phone some fucking nurse about a stupid trial.
The intermediate results of the trial indicate, by the way, that IUI and a shagging manual have roughly the same success rate. Only IUI is far more complicated - I need to attend the hospital weekly to have my cycle monitored, and then there's the assisted insemination itself. Hormone therapy is less successful than either of the first two options, but still requires hospital trips to get your ovulation monitored.
You know, before that "consultation", I was all up for the trial. Do your bit for other infertile couples, and such like. But with those shoddy chances of success, I'd rather throw myself into my complementary therapies with vigour again. I won't help a system that treats infertile couples on a factory line. This is thoroughly disgusting. I'm glad I've had so much therapy and done so much work. There was no discussion of how we felt, just the assumption we would cope. I'm going the alternative route, thank you very much.
My husband tells me that I should add we had a v. pleasant evening browsing Blackwell's bookstore, and are now enjoying our evening at home, despite telly coming through from downstairs, which is irking me because I'm just so angry with the fertility machine.
Come on, in two years' time, we'll grab our three free shots at assisted conception, and then we're outta here.
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:03 pm (UTC)*hugs you for the horrible appointment and the long wait ahead*
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:14 pm (UTC)But we'll see how many cock-ups Social Services will be capable of - I remember quite a few tales of incompetence from your adoption journey.
Anyhoo, if what awaits us at the end of the journey is only half as cute as your eldest, it'll have been SO worth it. Your posts and stories really give me hope, y'know.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:17 pm (UTC)(On the other hand, listening to your story is making me feel better about what we DO have to go through.)
*more hugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:29 pm (UTC)::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:52 pm (UTC)It's amazing, the lack of communication that goes on. *sigh*
*hugsagain*
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 02:07 pm (UTC)I wish it had gone better for you.
On a lighter note, a shagging manual sounds awfully informative, though.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 01:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 03:25 pm (UTC)It seems that all your energy is so scattered that you don't have the focus to let yourself be made well, and strengthening the relationship with a hubby who sounds, frankly, wonderful.
Maria - you're great as you are. You have many gifts that would make you a fantastic mother, however that comes about. We all know that. We'll love you and be there for you whatever happens.
Take care
Angel
no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 04:01 pm (UTC)And an Icelandic doctor? Fancy that. She better do her best for you. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 01:45 am (UTC)::has evil thoughts::
nah, on second thoughts, she did her best.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 09:24 pm (UTC)The last yahoo I went to actually said, "Wow! I can't believe you have a child. Technically, you shouldn't have had him because you're infertile. We'll just call him a miracle from God." Then she charged me $367 for the visit.
Go figure...
no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 01:46 am (UTC)you know something...
Date: 2004-10-05 11:13 pm (UTC)peace & love
no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 01:27 am (UTC)It has just occurred to me: can't they do tests to have a look at your hormone levels, before randomly giving you hormones? Or is that considered too complicated, given that so many of the problems could be to do with implantation, which is happening a few days after sex? [I'm not in any way a doctor (except nearly one of medieval studies), just musing.]
Good luck, though.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 01:57 am (UTC)The problem is that reproduction isn't all that well understood, as Sir Robert Winston readily acknowledges. So all modern medical science can do is stab in the dark, with a success rate of 20% per try or less. (Yes, it's that bad.)
The most important aspect of care is ironically that which costs least and which has been available for centuries, but which the current system woefully neglects: Talking, companionship, advice, general help with a healthy lifestyle, relaxation. It's really not rocket science.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 08:08 am (UTC)Oh well, good luck with taking the time, getting some advice, being calm and healthy etc. It can be a vicious circle, I'm sure. I do hope it works out.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 12:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 03:03 pm (UTC)I see that you've made a decision to pass on the study but I'm curious, can you choose which option to try? I know success rates are low but IIRC, they really aren't much better for IVF. Hormone therapy was of course what gave us that extra boost to our fertility which resulted in conception and there was "nothing wrong" with us either. I don't know much about IUI but it does increase your chances. As for the "shagging manual", you're pretty much doing that already aren't you? I'm not sure that one would make much difference.
I'm glad you're going for the ultrasound. Even if nothing is found, it's good to get confirmation of what is working. I'm curious though - what does it check for that the HSG can't pick up?
We should talk. I should be around tonight if you want to give me a call. Otherwise, tomorrow and this weekend are good. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 03:05 am (UTC)