fertility decisions

[percival]

So my husband and I had The Talk about our fertility treatment. He was not impressed by the response from the SUIT study doctor - it just cemented his bad opinion of Edinburgh Reproductive Medicine Services. My husband is also majorly freaked out by IVF as a procedure - he wouldn't want to undergo it, were he a women. And he most certainly doesn't want me to undergo it in the stressful, unsupportive environment that is Edinburgh Royal Infirmary. They may be world-class medically, but there is no continuity of care, and nobody to talk to when you need your questions answered.

Me? I want a child. And even if we start the adoption process now, I'll be 36 or 37 once we get our child. I don't want to add 3-4 years onto that just because I HAD to have that shot at a couple of cycles of free IVF.

OK, so I don't suffer from a "real" disease, I'm just unable to have a baby. But I believe that if you offer a service, you should offer it properly or not offer it at all.

The upshot?

No SUIT study. We will phone Dr Kini tomorrow.

No IVF. My husband will write a letter to Edinburgh Fertility tomorrow.

One more year of trying, then adoption.

Yet again, NHS patient care saved the system considerable expenses.

Result.

Comments

[aome.livejournal.com]

*holds your hand*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

thank you. that means a lot ...

[cynthia-black.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

thank you

[jiminyc.livejournal.com]

*hugs and wishes*

Keeping you in my thoughts for the year of trying to become the year of joy!

[murasaki99.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry this has been such an ordeal for both of you. At least you can say you tried the major options available to you and did the research. I can't say you would have fared any better here in the states. IVF is available, if you can pay for it. Many medical plans will not pay for it, so the person is left to foot the 20-30K bill that will result. Medical care is pretty much as impersonal and perfunctory here as in Scotland. The reasons are different, but the end result seems the same.

My brother and sister in law are pursuing adoption, too. They're seeking a child through the legitimate Chinese adoption channels. They are also in their early 40's. After much discussion, my sister in law decided the IVF route was simply too painful and dicy to try. I can't blame her, I wouldn't want to undergo the procedures either.

My blessings and good thoughts to you and your husband both.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are with your brother and his wife. Let me know how they get on!

[murasaki99.livejournal.com]

I'll let you know how it all turns out. Looks like a two-year process at least.

Something you might want to consider - while infant adoptions are hard to come by quickly, have you thought about adopting an older child? Older children often go begging for families because they aren't cute infants any more. A colleage of mine really wanted to adopt, but being a single woman in her 40's she was way down the list for an infant. She was even willing to take a baby with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome). Somehow one of her social workers got her to 'temporarily' take in two sisters who were orphaned. After a couple weeks the social worker mentioned "oh, they're cleared for adoption, you know". That was it, my colleague adopted them at once and they've been together now for 5 years. They're sweet kids. ^_^

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Well, adopting older British kids won't work because we're German, and agencies are very careful to match cultural background. They won't even match coloured kids with white or partially white families.

And older kids from abroad have often been cared for in orphanages, and have been severely damaged in the process. They can have huge attachment problems - parenting them is a full-time job, and I don't want to be a full-time parent for more than a year.

It's not about cuteness, it's about what these kids have suffered, and the skills you'll need to reverse some of the damage. Even Russian infants have problems, Chinese too, I would imagine. I'm already calculating with a year's adoption leave, maybe working one day a week after the first six months.

[hildigunnur.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

thank you!

[ljrags.livejournal.com]

I will be keeping you and your husband in thoughts and prayers.

*hugs*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[mollymcgonagall.livejournal.com]

I pray for good things for you and your husband daily. I will continue to do so.

Hugs.

J

[perceval.livejournal.com]

I was floored by your response. I'm so grateful that you're keeping us in your prayers.

[significantowl.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

thank you.

[erised1810.livejournal.com]

Sendign good vibes. {hugs}

[perceval.livejournal.com]

thank you

[angelofthenorth.livejournal.com]

Good, you've made a decision and I'm proud of you for that.

Take care of yourself, take time to grieve. *holds you tightly in my soul*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Yeah, grieving is in order. I still don't quite realise the impact of the decision we've made not to go through with artificial techniques.

But maybe somewhere is a child who needs us ...

[angelofthenorth.livejournal.com]

There's always kids that need you...

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

*hugs* *prayers* *good thoughts*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

thank you...

[amaterasu.livejournal.com]

There was an article in today's Philadelphia Inquirer by a journalist who gave up on fertility treatments and went through the process to adopt a Guatamalan baby.

I immediately thought of you, and all you've been through. ***hugs***

[piperx.livejournal.com]

I hope making a decision gives you some peace of mind.

::HUGS::

[shellebelle93.livejournal.com]

*hugs you gently and lovingly*

I hope for all of the best for you. Please take care of yourself.