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some more adoption musings
Nov. 28th, 2004 05:56 pmI've started to read up ferociously about adoption in order to assess what we're up against. Some findings:
( Read more... )
So, to sum it all up: If I don't fall pregnant within the next year, we're looking for an inter-country adoption of an infant, and we would not like to take on a special-needs child. You're entitled to condemn us for what we're planning to do, to brand us selfish, spoilt, exploitative, and to look down on us for not wanting an older special-needs kid. If you don't condemn us, be sure that somewhere along the lines, a couple of social workers, government officials, and county officials will.
But before you rant, or before you try to change our mind, please read the material in the cut and consider our position. We're taking this stance because we want to be the best possible parents for the child we'll be matched with, and it comes from educating ourselves about problems and challenges and from knowing our own limitations. In future, when I get comments such as "why don't you foster?" or "why don't you adopt?", I'll refer the commenter to this entry and move the debate here. We will have to defend ourselves so many times in RL when the time comes to adopt that I want to save my breath for those occasions.
Again, I don't ask you to agree with me. I just ask you to listen carefully to what I have to say before you criticise our decisions or suggest alternative options. If you're infertile, everybody has opinions, everybody knows how to solve your problem. Very few people trust that you've investigated our options, and very few people respect that you are the expert on your own condition. I'm not at the stage yet where it leaves me cold to hear for the gazillionth time "Why don't you adopt/try IVF/change your position during sex/...".
( Read more... )
So, to sum it all up: If I don't fall pregnant within the next year, we're looking for an inter-country adoption of an infant, and we would not like to take on a special-needs child. You're entitled to condemn us for what we're planning to do, to brand us selfish, spoilt, exploitative, and to look down on us for not wanting an older special-needs kid. If you don't condemn us, be sure that somewhere along the lines, a couple of social workers, government officials, and county officials will.
But before you rant, or before you try to change our mind, please read the material in the cut and consider our position. We're taking this stance because we want to be the best possible parents for the child we'll be matched with, and it comes from educating ourselves about problems and challenges and from knowing our own limitations. In future, when I get comments such as "why don't you foster?" or "why don't you adopt?", I'll refer the commenter to this entry and move the debate here. We will have to defend ourselves so many times in RL when the time comes to adopt that I want to save my breath for those occasions.
Again, I don't ask you to agree with me. I just ask you to listen carefully to what I have to say before you criticise our decisions or suggest alternative options. If you're infertile, everybody has opinions, everybody knows how to solve your problem. Very few people trust that you've investigated our options, and very few people respect that you are the expert on your own condition. I'm not at the stage yet where it leaves me cold to hear for the gazillionth time "Why don't you adopt/try IVF/change your position during sex/...".
