How much do you value your family?

[percival]

My husband's younger brother and his wife were not at our wedding. They had already used up their holiday allowance, in full knowledge that we were getting married later that year, and did not want to come from Italy to Germany to see hubby and me get married.
Too stressful.

Then, my sister-in-law started teasing me who would be first to give our mother-in-law a grand child, roughly eight months into the infertility saga. She did not know that we were trying to conceive; I was really offended. Apparently, she thought that I as a career woman did not want babies.

She fell pregnant right away. They had their baby, a cute little girl, born with hydrocephalus, in February.

Now, they've scheduled the christening in three weeks' time (her husband is away a lot, so they can't really plan far ahead). It's on a Sunday, which is bad news for anybody who tries to commute from abroad. Plus, I have a lecture to give on Monday.

Common sense would dictate that I don't go. It's very expensive, at least £100 per head, plus a rental car; easily £400 for the two of us - for a weekend.

On the other hand, my niece will be christened. Who knows if and when I'll be able to see my own kid get christened?

(No, neither of us have been asked to be a godparent.)

Comments

[apel.livejournal.com]

On one hand I would tend to see a christening as less significant than a wedding. On the other hand, it would be nice if you could have a positive relationship with your niece, regardless of your brother and sister in law. Dunno if that's going to be possible though if you live this far apart. *shrug* No advice, just some things to think about. Good luck, whatever you decide.

[cynthia-black.livejournal.com]

Difficult situation, you have my sympathies. It does seem to make sense logistically if you don't go, but it is often best with family to try and maintain the peace (not least for your own peace of mind). Are they likely to be mortally offended if you don't go?

[katinka31.livejournal.com]

That's tough. We'll have spent SOOOO much money on airfare by the time this year is over, going to both my parents' weddings and other family things. I know we should be at these occasions, but practically speaking, it is still SOOOO much money. :( Best of luck in making your decision.

Then, my sister-in-law started teasing me who would be first to give our mother-in-law a grand child, roughly eight months into the infertility saga. She did not know that we were trying to conceive; I was really offended. Apparently, she thought that I as a career woman did not want babies.

I'm sorry. :( My brother and his wife struggled for almost four years to get pregnant with their first child, and they had to hear so many, "Hey, when are you guys going to have kids?" comments along the way. They now have two little ones, though.

[intuitionist.livejournal.com]

My struggles with family used to result in an imbalance of giving - I did all of it, partly out of a sense of hope that a relationship I longed for would evolve, partly out a sense of duty.

Things never changed, I grew weary, and angry, and let things fall by the wayside. I felt more peace after that. I suppose it's different in every case, but never an easy path to navigate.

And the questions about "having babies?" are so insensitive. People need to be reminded of this.

[ducklet.livejournal.com]

I certainly hope that one day you will see your own child being christened! Sending prayers of peace and comfort your way. May God bless you and your marriage and may He bring healing to your relationships with all of your family. I pray that God's love will surround you wherever you go!

[perceval.livejournal.com]

I'm happy to see that you've now found a relationship with God again. That is what you were yearning for, right?
:)

percival